Epic Fail, Cosmo

Cosmopolitan have decided to release their obligatory, bi-annual, 'love-yourself-gurrrl' issue this month, and kindly decided to put Kim Kardashian on the cover.

Inside, Kim talks about how tough life has been for her, and tells a moving story about the time that she thought she was trying on a size 12, when it was really a size 8, and what that meant for her.

Oh, boo-hoo, Kim. Getting up in the morning must be soooooooo difficult with your perfectly proportioned body and single-figure dress size. You know what's hard- getting cut out of your clothes because they don't fit you. That's hard, bitch.

In conclusion- no, Cosmo, I don't feel better about myself after reading that issue. I probably feel worse, and now I'm going to fry some stuff, and it will be all your fault.

If you feel like torturing yourself too, you can have a flick through this month's issue here.

Liar, Liar (Surprise, Surprise?)

Heather Mills's former publicist is claiming she lied about the Paul McCartney altercation during their divorce. No, I wasn't shocked, either.

No one is ever going to take your side after you divorce a Beatle. It's like drowning a kitten or running over a nun- you'll always be in the wrong.

What is surprising, however, is how much I like her haircut in this picture. Pity she has a face on her like she just smelt a particularly nasty fart.

Stop Playing With Your Vage

Did your mum never tell you to get your hand out of your knickers? (Mine didn't, but I've seen this happen- mostly with little boys having a fiddle).

I sort of hate this video- are those pointy things embedded under her skin?! That is truly rancid. Her hair looks awesome though. I suppose that's the least you can do to look good when your're planning on birthing your own machine gun.

I find this to be a much better use of unicorns:

I don't know what they did to persuade him to do this, but it was genius. And he looks hawt.

Sometimes life isn't fair

Be still my beating heart. My favourite former-Hooters girl looks beautiful in this Christoforos Kotentos dress (does it sound like I know who he is? Because I really don't). I really like it, although I'm sure I've seen my granny wear they square-patterned bit as a scarf, around her head, in Mass.

How does she hide her fringe when she is Santana? Just something to ponder while I do nothing else today.

Minogue Awesomeness!!!

I almost didn't believe it when I wrote it earlier, but I think this is seriously impressive!



Though Cheryl made a good effort at live-performing this week. She's trying very hard, you can tell by the look of concentration on her face.

Nuhdine would never where that dress though. She's obviously over-compensating.



If anyone has ever seen The Vagina Monlogues, you'll understand why I can't support a song called 'The Flood'. Ick.

Unlikely, but...

Perez is saying Jenny McCarthy is looking for someone normal to share a NYE kiss with this year. Oooh oooh oooh! Pick me!