Dear Brian Mc Fadden:

It takes a lot to offend my ears, but I must congratulate you, Sir, for you have succeeded. Listen to the travesty that follows at your peril.

Now, to answer your questions, yes, that is a banjo you hear, and yes, he is saying 'I can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage'. No, I have no idea who told him he should rap on this record, but if I did, I don't know whether I would slap them, or say congratulations.

To be fair, Brian's music isn't as terrible as this song would lead you to believe. When I was in Sydney last year, this little ditty was number 1, and it's quite catchy:

IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

Where there's a will....

...there seems to be a massive weight loss.

If Jennifer Hudson can under go that kind of transformation, there is really no reason why I haven't lost a stone in 12 years.




That's not true, there is a very good reason why I haven't lost a stone, and it is popularly known as the Kinder Bueno. Jennifer doesn't know what she's missing.

But on the subject of Jennifer Hudson's awesomeness, this video deserves a mention:



I know this was meant to be about Jabba the Hud, but how amazing is Christina Aguilera?! You can have all the Kinder Buenos you want, love, as long as you can keep doing that.

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

I would tap Cap'n von Trapp.

Other reasons to love Christopher Plummer are that he has been married since 1970 and he voiced Charles Munz in Up!

He is 82, which is just wrong.

Scientific Proof the Prayer does Work

Every night for two years I have been getting down on my knees and begging for the Famous Five to get back together.

But Enid Blyton is long gone, and I really need to be more mature with regards to my reading material.

So I decided to centre my efforts on getting Girls Aloud back together. And tonight, Perez Hilton (God in my eyes) reported that GA will be doing a reunion tour in 2012. WOO and HOO indeed.

Now, before this weekend I wouldn't have believed a word of this, but it would seem that now that Cheryl Cole is going to the U S of A and thus committing career suicide, there will be nothing to hold them back.

Why career suicide? Well, because I don't think anyone was particularly impressed by this years solo efforts, and the pop-music-loving public did not take well to Nuhdeen's abdication, so this is the metaphorical lead balloon on its downward spiral. And me and my debit card will be carefully positioned next to the Ticketmaster website, just waiting for the shiz to hit the fan.

Now, let's remember them when Cheryl still had a snaggle tooth and Kimberly had yet to capture my heart:



Fun fact: this song was written by Lene Nystrøm, or as she is better known, that woman from Aqua.

Undecided on an Inappropriate Question

Is Mrs Banks hot, or a not? I think hot, but then I see her up close, and I think she might belong on Grrrrrrrrrrilfs.

Incidentally, I sang this song in a highly plagiarised version of 'Oh What a Lovely War'.

I do like her lipstick.

Beating the Monday Blues

Today was, as days go, pretty shitty. Few things could have made this day better, but I found the magic solution. On the way to my local epicerie to indulge in binge-eating materials, I decided to allow my cheesiPod to accompany me on the journey, and behold, the God's of fate arranged for this song to play:



I haven't felt elation like that since I recovered Puffa from a hotel in Amsterdam.

I think my next career venture should be to convince the members of Steps and S Club, and the two remaining girls from B*Witched who are jobless to set up a vocal counselling service. The outfits alone will turn that frown upside down.

You may wonder why I said 'the two remaining girls from B*Witched'. Well, wonder no more:



I like it, but I paid €90 to see Britney Spears wander absent-mindedly around a stage.

Pretty Political

This brooding beauty is the Prime Minister of Norway, Jens Stoltenberg. I like him because he looks like an ageing action hero, or possibly Liam Neeson's slightly less intense brother.

Jens is a former journalist and cannabis user. Good to know what his interests are.

He once crashed into a car, pretended to fix a note, and sped off into the night. Unfortunately, he was newly elected and recognisable to the general Norwegian public. So not the sharpest tool in the box, but I like a man who takes risks.

And fortunately, he has undergone an image change since these days:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thefuturistics/2340340656/