Going Out With A Bang

The beautiful Dame Elizabeth Taylor left us last week, but not before she stole the show one last time.

Liz stipulated in her will that she arrive to her own burial 15 minutes late, so that she could make one last grand entrance. The story also goes that an ex-husband (one of the seven) remarked that she 'would be later to her own funeral', and Dame Elizabeth thoughtfully decided to prove him right. Either way, not many celebrities have the potential to add such a touch of class to their last big day.

In an age where fake boobs and knicker-flashing buy fame, the passing of Elizabeth Taylor highlights how much 'show-biz' has deteriorated since the Old Hollywood days.

And of course, what it meant to look after one's eyebrows (how awesome are they?!).

So, now that she's gone, I would like to remind you of her best work:

Open Letter to Vanessa Hudgens

Dear Vanessa,

If you don't want people to see you naked, stop taking off your clothes and taking pictures of yourself. They will end up on the internet, and your parents will be embarrassed.

However, if you are going to continually be stupid and allow this to happen, could you ensure that they photos fall into the hands of someone who will publish them properly? I've been searching all day and I can't find them anywhere.

Though, that's how I felt about Rihanna's naked episode, and then I found the photos and, well....I saw too much.

I guess it's a case of 'be careful what you wish for', but I'm going to take my chances.

Um.....

This is so shit, I actually can't think of anything clever to say. A song has robbed me of my powers. I just don't understand how this was made. I can't understand why someone would sing it. It is beyond me why someone would write it, and then inflict it upon the rest of the world. I am lost for words.



Unfortunately, there is going to be a lot more where that came from:



Sort of makes Brian McFadden date-rape songs more appealing, doesn't it?

Will Smith: Smart, or Exceptionally Dumb?

Word on the street is that Will Smith was offered a scholarship to MIT, but decided to defer and then just never turned up.

I had never questioned this, but a friend of mine did, so I thought I would do some snooping.

It turns out, his mum had a friend who was on the admissions board, and they 'needed more black kids'. I don't think it counts as a bone fide scholarship if you didn't think of packing it in to become a sales assistant or a waiter at some stage during the application process. Not that there is anything wrong with that- there is no profession more noble than that of the woman that gives us clothes and the man that provides food.

In the same interview, Will explains that his children are being home schooled, because in real life they will have no need for historical dates, but they will need to learn about Aristotle's social theories when they are 7.

Now, tell me Mr Smith, where exactly does Aristotle promote pimping out your children? That's what I thought.

You can read more here:

http://www.rd.com/family/will-smith-interview/

But let's not hold it against him- he is of course exceptionally attractive.

So bad it's AWESOME

Two things struck me when I watched Obsessed:

1. This film is truly awful
2. This film is a cinematic triumph

It is rare for a film to both terrible and brilliant, but if any bad actress can make that happen, Beyoncé can. See for yourselves:

I would class it in the same category as Spice World. Make of that what you will.

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

And isn't he an ageing beaut. Like a fine wine or a two year old Easter egg your sister hid under her bed and forgot to eat, Sean Connery is always a treat.

He definitely got more attractive with age. Funny, that Easter egg turned white as it got older, too...

Liar, Liar (Surprise, Surprise?)

Heather Mills's former publicist is claiming she lied about the Paul McCartney altercation during their divorce. No, I wasn't shocked, either.

No one is ever going to take your side after you divorce a Beatle. It's like drowning a kitten or running over a nun- you'll always be in the wrong.

What is surprising, however, is how much I like her haircut in this picture. Pity she has a face on her like she just smelt a particularly nasty fart.

News Flash!

Brian Mc Fadden says his new song is NOT about date-rape, because it's about his fiancée. Have we not been over this? If you get your girlfriend drunk and take advantage, it still counts.

I knew there was no way he could realistically get a woman like that.

How drunk was she when he persuaded her to do this?

At least we got to the bottom of the Kerry Katona disaster.

Stop Playing With Your Vage

Did your mum never tell you to get your hand out of your knickers? (Mine didn't, but I've seen this happen- mostly with little boys having a fiddle).

I sort of hate this video- are those pointy things embedded under her skin?! That is truly rancid. Her hair looks awesome though. I suppose that's the least you can do to look good when your're planning on birthing your own machine gun.

I find this to be a much better use of unicorns:

I don't know what they did to persuade him to do this, but it was genius. And he looks hawt.