The Epitome of the Phrase 'So Bad It's Good'

Sarah Michelle Gellar has returned to TV in what can only be described as both horrendous and spectacular fashion. 'Ringer' is a totally unbelievable drama series where Buffy plays two twin sisters. One sister fakes her own death, and the other sister takes over her life to hide from the mob (oh wait, there's more), only to find out that someone is after her sister, who is also a bit of a slut and is avec enfant, but unsure who the baby daddy is.

The show also has an inadvertent comedy aspect, due to the sister's names. In a very Irish fashion the twins are called Bridget and Siobhan. SMG is struggling to pronounce the latter name. She often takes to calling her 'Shiv'. I know many Siobhans, but have never met a Shiv.

Here's a glimpse of the trailer:

I don't think Ringer is on UK or Irish TV yet, so you'll probs just have to wait a bit (nudge nudge, wink wink)

Suri Cruise is such an awesome bitch. Or at the very least, her blogging alter ego is. I particularly like her loathing for the Kardashian's and their off-spring.

Jason Segel could not be any more perfect. He brings me songs, he brings me smiles, and he brings me Muppets.

I could totally arrange it that I am available for you, Mr Segel.

(Would it be weird if I asked him to bring some Muppet, too? I totally love me some Pepe)

There is Just No Excuse, Lindsay

Bad teeth are excusable. Unclean teeth are not. Radar online has found a dentist that kindly speculates that Lindsay's bad case of funky-tooth is due to drug use.

If this is true (which it may not be), I'm sure you can scrape some pennies together for a tube of toothpaste, Ms Lohan. You can even get one composed of baking powder- you know, it's a white powdery stuff, and you rub it on your gums and....oh no, wait, that's what (allegedly) got us here in the first place.

I have a voucher for 25% of dental care in Boots if it's financial aid you're in need of. Though if you accept it with mind to (possibly, but also possibly not) purchase some narcotics, I will have to take it back, because I believe that would make me an enabler.

Um...

What the hell is that on your head?! I just don't get it. Head jewelleryn in general just upsets me. Unless you are the princess of an actual country (the E! Channel does not qualify as a country, obviously) you should not decorate your skull.

I know. I'm just jealous. I wish I looked like Kim Kardashian-Humphries.

Why Beyoncé's Baby is not Good News

Beyoncé is 'avec enfant'. This is not surprising, because today is her 30th birthday, and she has been ranting for years that she wants to have a baby when she's 30. Of course, baby making is wonderful, makes the world go round, blah blah blah. But Beyoncé-baby-making has it's problems.

1: When Beyoncé loves someone, she really, really wants us all to know about it. She does this in song-form. The thing is, the more Beyoncé loves someone, the worse the song gets (see the horrendous 'Daddy' and the abysmal '1+1'). And fools like me will be obligated to buy the albumn of baby-gushing-crap. I've already gone through this with Britney (the imaginatively titled 'My Baby'), and I really don't think I have the fan-will-power to do it all over again.

2. This means Beyoncé's mum, Big Tina, is going to start designing baby clothes. If you are unaware of Tina's 'talents', she has to be the worst seamstress the world has ever known. When you see Beyoncé and think 'What the fuck are you wearing?!', her mum made that. Like this monstrosity below:

If she makes a baby clothes line I will have to contact Child Protective Services, because I really can't get on board with that kind of child abuse. (Note: The hideous ensemble she is sporting in the photo above actually wasn't made by her mother. The jacket is D&G, and the nylon trousers are Primark Maternity. Probably.)

3. Even though she is going to be getting huge and indulging her inner fat-girl, Beyoncé has made all her videos for her new albumn after she went through some horrendous diet, so I will still have to see her in all her gorgeous glory. In short, even though she is carrying spawn, I will feel like the pregnant one. Ugh.

4. Beyoncé and Jay-Z have been married now for exactly 3 years and 5 months, and I have never seen those wedding photographs. Chances are I will never see pictures of this baby either. My curious and celebrity-orientated brain does not cope well with this kind of secrecy.

5. Kanye West is going to be Godfather and Gwyneth Paltrow will probably be Godmother. That child is going to be hella-confused when it grows up with all those mixed messages it'll be receiving.

For the above reasons, I can only give you half-hearted congratulations, Beyoncé, and I will save my true celebration for when I actually get to see what Baby BeyJayzus looks like.

Ugh

As if being perfectly proportioned, well dressed, rich and born into the greatest TV-family of all time wasn't enough, Kim Kardashian has gone and got married. My mediocre self can barely cope.

But it's fine, I've always preferred Khloe anyway.

Frickin' Cute!

Last night Kermit and Rowlf got together to sing the Rainbow Connection, probably the best song in the world that does not involve Beyoncé.

But what makes this performance even more special is that this is only the second time that Rowlf has spoken since Jim Henson's death in 1990. Rowlf was Jim's favourite character, and after he died the Muppets cast and crew decided they ought to mute him out of respect (they probably didn't use the words 'mute him'), aside from a small speaking part in Muppets Treasure Island. This is only the second time that Rowlf and Kermit have sang together- the first was during the closing scene of the 1979 Muppet Movie.

Not so fun fact: Jim Henson died of 'sleeping pneumonia'- he felt sick, but "didn't want to worry anyone". Whatta guy.

Reasons why parents should monitor their child's internet use number 102978

The mere fact that he shouted 'Mum, don't come in!' should have served as a warning. Sales assistants should be made to force parents to undertake a 'Responsibility Test' before they buy their children laptops. Allowing your child to do this is just opening them up to abuse.

And if your going to get them a laptop, invest in some braces, too.

Grim Friday

On the day on which Jesus died so that we could all be temporary vegetarians and abstain momentarily from drinking the water that he so kindly turned into wine, I thought that this might cheer everyone up a bit.

Because let's be honest: kissing a cross covered in pensioner slobber after a day of fasting does not a fun Friday make (whoever added the 'Good' was delusional). Thank God (...) then, for Sadie B.

Now, I bet you can't wait for Sunday after that. Very uplifting. I particularly like the part where she reminds me about the collection bag.

Jealousy: a fun past-time, but it doesn't get you anywhere

Emma Watson has apparently been bullied out of Brown University. She said on her Twitter account a while back that she would have to take some time off college to finish up acting commitments, but sources are saying that isn't the full story. Allegedly she was getting so much shit for Harry Potter stuff that she decided to pack it in.

This is seriously pas cool. She is one of the richest kids in the world, but she must be pretty normal to decide to get an education, too. Everyone needs a Plan B. And she was studying Drama, which, you know, isn't a bad idea if she doesn't want to spend the rest of her life known as Hermione Granger.

But some massive DICKS over in Rhode Island have totally overlooked this point and have managed to harass her out of college. When their parents were splashing out on their Ivy League education, they clearly forgot to buy them some manners. This whole bullying fiasco is only made worse by the fact that Harvard students were involved. That's right, the leaders of tomorrow (and douches of next week) decided to pick on her at a college football game- with Harry Potter taunts. Come on now, your meant to be super intelligent- either up your insult game or don't say anything at all.

Still, Emma's a trooper, and she put up with it during the whole game (which is probably like 2 hours, but I've watched football, it feels like a fucking lifetime).

I love my celebrities, I really do, but I would hope that I could understand that if someone wants to take some time off to get on with their life, I should respect that. Now, if a lowly Perez reader like myself can understand that, surely Economist-subscribing, scholarship-winning, future-Wall-Street-Journal-contributing Ivy League assholes can too.

Your better off at NYU, Emma, I hear the Olsen twins had a great time there.

(PS- don't you totally get the 'She's-so-beautiful-fuss' from that picture?! She looks 'mazing!)

The Great Dead (because they are dead, but still great)

I honestly believe that Jack Lemmon is my soul mate. Ever since my dad thought it cool to make me watch The Odd Couple at 9, I have been mesmerised by his facial expressions. Honestly. No-one can make a face like that guy.

And what a face.

Jack Lemmon, sadly departed: but I still would.

Quote of the Year

Shirley MacLaine is awesome for lots of reasons (like playing my favourite ever prostitute in Irma La Douce), but after a recent interview Chez Oprah, I love her a little bit more.

During the interview she talked about her, um, 'active intimate life' (which, ps, old people really shouldn't do, ever- but it's Shirley MacLaine so we'll cut her some slack) and said:

"I've had an awful lot of lovers...and a lot of awful lovers"

LOL.

I would like to add something funny in here about how I totally understand where she's coming from etc, but I can't because my life has been nowhere near as interesting as Ms MacLaine's. Ho hum.

Fergie: Pre-Self-Destruction

Fergie of Black-Eyed-Peas fame was once a child called Stacey Ferguson. she was young and innocent, and completely unaware of the fact that she would grow up to be a meth head, and wet herself on stage. As a youngster, she appeared on 80s US tv-show 'Kids Inc', and she was pretty awesome:

She was only 8 in that video! I've heard her sing live, and she really does have one of the best voices I have ever heard, if not the best.

It's also impossible to tell that she grew up to be Fergie. If ever there was an advert to prevent people from having surgery performed on their face, it should be this video compared with a modern Stacey. Kinda sad.

The Great Dead (because they are dead, but still great)

Cary Grant (or Archibald Leach, as his mum called him) was born way back in 1904, and passed away in 1986. He secretly worked for British Intelligence during WWII, trying to out Nazis. This mixture of suave, sophistication and bad-ass helps explain why Ian Fleming modeled the James Bond character on Cary Grant.

If you've ever seen (the totally awesome) film Charade with Cary and Audrey Hepburn, you'll know that his looks never faded- he still looked hot at 59.

Cary Grant: your great, and I would.

Epic Fail, Cosmo

Cosmopolitan have decided to release their obligatory, bi-annual, 'love-yourself-gurrrl' issue this month, and kindly decided to put Kim Kardashian on the cover.

Inside, Kim talks about how tough life has been for her, and tells a moving story about the time that she thought she was trying on a size 12, when it was really a size 8, and what that meant for her.

Oh, boo-hoo, Kim. Getting up in the morning must be soooooooo difficult with your perfectly proportioned body and single-figure dress size. You know what's hard- getting cut out of your clothes because they don't fit you. That's hard, bitch.

In conclusion- no, Cosmo, I don't feel better about myself after reading that issue. I probably feel worse, and now I'm going to fry some stuff, and it will be all your fault.

If you feel like torturing yourself too, you can have a flick through this month's issue here.

Jenna Rose- Performing Monkey

Her parents must hate her, because this definitely qualifies as child cruelty. She is only 13!

No child should ever utter the words 'all way around and around the back', or tell someone to 'come on by my crib'. In fact, no white person should ever say 'crib', unless it is in the context of MTV.

Parents who open their children up to bullying and dangers through viral videos need to be arrested. These kids have their whole life ahead of them to make bad decisions, don't ruin those chances for them now.

Jenna Rose, Rebecca Black etc need to take some time off, finish school, and then come back with decent songs and an image that they are in charge of and comfortable with. They have already reached levels of notoriety, so there's no rush.

And if your horrible parents are hell-bent on making you a child star, then they should stick to shit like this:

It's terrible, but at least it was made for kids. STOP THE CRUELTY!

Inconspicuous...

John Travolta has been spotted out having lunch with Liza Minelli.

Way to go, John. That's an awesome way to clear up those gay rumours. Do you have Cher's number too? Because that would really kill suspicions.

Jokes aside, if John Travolta really is gay (cheers for that, Carrie Fisher) he must be really sad. At least he has Liza.

Going Out With A Bang

The beautiful Dame Elizabeth Taylor left us last week, but not before she stole the show one last time.

Liz stipulated in her will that she arrive to her own burial 15 minutes late, so that she could make one last grand entrance. The story also goes that an ex-husband (one of the seven) remarked that she 'would be later to her own funeral', and Dame Elizabeth thoughtfully decided to prove him right. Either way, not many celebrities have the potential to add such a touch of class to their last big day.

In an age where fake boobs and knicker-flashing buy fame, the passing of Elizabeth Taylor highlights how much 'show-biz' has deteriorated since the Old Hollywood days.

And of course, what it meant to look after one's eyebrows (how awesome are they?!).

So, now that she's gone, I would like to remind you of her best work:

Open Letter to Vanessa Hudgens

Dear Vanessa,

If you don't want people to see you naked, stop taking off your clothes and taking pictures of yourself. They will end up on the internet, and your parents will be embarrassed.

However, if you are going to continually be stupid and allow this to happen, could you ensure that they photos fall into the hands of someone who will publish them properly? I've been searching all day and I can't find them anywhere.

Though, that's how I felt about Rihanna's naked episode, and then I found the photos and, well....I saw too much.

I guess it's a case of 'be careful what you wish for', but I'm going to take my chances.

Um.....

This is so shit, I actually can't think of anything clever to say. A song has robbed me of my powers. I just don't understand how this was made. I can't understand why someone would sing it. It is beyond me why someone would write it, and then inflict it upon the rest of the world. I am lost for words.



Unfortunately, there is going to be a lot more where that came from:



Sort of makes Brian McFadden date-rape songs more appealing, doesn't it?

Will Smith: Smart, or Exceptionally Dumb?

Word on the street is that Will Smith was offered a scholarship to MIT, but decided to defer and then just never turned up.

I had never questioned this, but a friend of mine did, so I thought I would do some snooping.

It turns out, his mum had a friend who was on the admissions board, and they 'needed more black kids'. I don't think it counts as a bone fide scholarship if you didn't think of packing it in to become a sales assistant or a waiter at some stage during the application process. Not that there is anything wrong with that- there is no profession more noble than that of the woman that gives us clothes and the man that provides food.

In the same interview, Will explains that his children are being home schooled, because in real life they will have no need for historical dates, but they will need to learn about Aristotle's social theories when they are 7.

Now, tell me Mr Smith, where exactly does Aristotle promote pimping out your children? That's what I thought.

You can read more here:

http://www.rd.com/family/will-smith-interview/

But let's not hold it against him- he is of course exceptionally attractive.

So bad it's AWESOME

Two things struck me when I watched Obsessed:

1. This film is truly awful
2. This film is a cinematic triumph

It is rare for a film to both terrible and brilliant, but if any bad actress can make that happen, Beyoncé can. See for yourselves:

I would class it in the same category as Spice World. Make of that what you will.

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

And isn't he an ageing beaut. Like a fine wine or a two year old Easter egg your sister hid under her bed and forgot to eat, Sean Connery is always a treat.

He definitely got more attractive with age. Funny, that Easter egg turned white as it got older, too...

Liar, Liar (Surprise, Surprise?)

Heather Mills's former publicist is claiming she lied about the Paul McCartney altercation during their divorce. No, I wasn't shocked, either.

No one is ever going to take your side after you divorce a Beatle. It's like drowning a kitten or running over a nun- you'll always be in the wrong.

What is surprising, however, is how much I like her haircut in this picture. Pity she has a face on her like she just smelt a particularly nasty fart.

News Flash!

Brian Mc Fadden says his new song is NOT about date-rape, because it's about his fiancée. Have we not been over this? If you get your girlfriend drunk and take advantage, it still counts.

I knew there was no way he could realistically get a woman like that.

How drunk was she when he persuaded her to do this?

At least we got to the bottom of the Kerry Katona disaster.

Stop Playing With Your Vage

Did your mum never tell you to get your hand out of your knickers? (Mine didn't, but I've seen this happen- mostly with little boys having a fiddle).

I sort of hate this video- are those pointy things embedded under her skin?! That is truly rancid. Her hair looks awesome though. I suppose that's the least you can do to look good when your're planning on birthing your own machine gun.

I find this to be a much better use of unicorns:

I don't know what they did to persuade him to do this, but it was genius. And he looks hawt.

Speechless

If God can give me a Girls Aloud reunion and a Take-That-the-end-is-nigh video, then surely he can give 1 millionth of her beauty.

Please?

Have I ever told you how much I love aliens?

I love movies about aliens. And movies about the end of the world. Which is now just one more reason for me to love Take That:

It's like Children of Men and District 9 in one magical-take-that-alien-apocalypse musical! I feel like I should have made this video.

I would have put more Jason in there.

Even Better than Brian Mc Fadden

This. Is. AWESOME.

I actually want to have 'Ball of Light' on my cheesiPod.

Dear Brian Mc Fadden:

It takes a lot to offend my ears, but I must congratulate you, Sir, for you have succeeded. Listen to the travesty that follows at your peril.

Now, to answer your questions, yes, that is a banjo you hear, and yes, he is saying 'I can't wait to get you home so I can take advantage'. No, I have no idea who told him he should rap on this record, but if I did, I don't know whether I would slap them, or say congratulations.

To be fair, Brian's music isn't as terrible as this song would lead you to believe. When I was in Sydney last year, this little ditty was number 1, and it's quite catchy:

IiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis

Where there's a will....

...there seems to be a massive weight loss.

If Jennifer Hudson can under go that kind of transformation, there is really no reason why I haven't lost a stone in 12 years.




That's not true, there is a very good reason why I haven't lost a stone, and it is popularly known as the Kinder Bueno. Jennifer doesn't know what she's missing.

But on the subject of Jennifer Hudson's awesomeness, this video deserves a mention:



I know this was meant to be about Jabba the Hud, but how amazing is Christina Aguilera?! You can have all the Kinder Buenos you want, love, as long as you can keep doing that.

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

I would tap Cap'n von Trapp.

Other reasons to love Christopher Plummer are that he has been married since 1970 and he voiced Charles Munz in Up!

He is 82, which is just wrong.

Scientific Proof the Prayer does Work

Every night for two years I have been getting down on my knees and begging for the Famous Five to get back together.

But Enid Blyton is long gone, and I really need to be more mature with regards to my reading material.

So I decided to centre my efforts on getting Girls Aloud back together. And tonight, Perez Hilton (God in my eyes) reported that GA will be doing a reunion tour in 2012. WOO and HOO indeed.

Now, before this weekend I wouldn't have believed a word of this, but it would seem that now that Cheryl Cole is going to the U S of A and thus committing career suicide, there will be nothing to hold them back.

Why career suicide? Well, because I don't think anyone was particularly impressed by this years solo efforts, and the pop-music-loving public did not take well to Nuhdeen's abdication, so this is the metaphorical lead balloon on its downward spiral. And me and my debit card will be carefully positioned next to the Ticketmaster website, just waiting for the shiz to hit the fan.

Now, let's remember them when Cheryl still had a snaggle tooth and Kimberly had yet to capture my heart:



Fun fact: this song was written by Lene Nystrøm, or as she is better known, that woman from Aqua.

Undecided on an Inappropriate Question

Is Mrs Banks hot, or a not? I think hot, but then I see her up close, and I think she might belong on Grrrrrrrrrrilfs.

Incidentally, I sang this song in a highly plagiarised version of 'Oh What a Lovely War'.

I do like her lipstick.

Beating the Monday Blues

Today was, as days go, pretty shitty. Few things could have made this day better, but I found the magic solution. On the way to my local epicerie to indulge in binge-eating materials, I decided to allow my cheesiPod to accompany me on the journey, and behold, the God's of fate arranged for this song to play:



I haven't felt elation like that since I recovered Puffa from a hotel in Amsterdam.

I think my next career venture should be to convince the members of Steps and S Club, and the two remaining girls from B*Witched who are jobless to set up a vocal counselling service. The outfits alone will turn that frown upside down.

You may wonder why I said 'the two remaining girls from B*Witched'. Well, wonder no more:



I like it, but I paid €90 to see Britney Spears wander absent-mindedly around a stage.

Pretty Political

This brooding beauty is the Prime Minister of Norway, Jens Stoltenberg. I like him because he looks like an ageing action hero, or possibly Liam Neeson's slightly less intense brother.

Jens is a former journalist and cannabis user. Good to know what his interests are.

He once crashed into a car, pretended to fix a note, and sped off into the night. Unfortunately, he was newly elected and recognisable to the general Norwegian public. So not the sharpest tool in the box, but I like a man who takes risks.

And fortunately, he has undergone an image change since these days:

http://www.flickr.com/photos/thefuturistics/2340340656/

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

I give you- Tom Selleck! He wouldn't be my first choice, but I have heard there is many a young lady with their hearts set on him.

Tom here has just turned 66. Well, if it's good enough for Monica Gellar...

PS- do you see the picture in which he is wearing jeans? Have you looked? My sister has that exact same belt. She accused me of stealing it, but it would seem that Magnum PI has some sticky fingers.

Just keep her clean, Sam

Lindsay Lohan and Samantha Ronson were out and about in LA on Thursday, and stopped by the Roosevelt hotel (home of Teddy's and probably many of Lindsay's lost memories), before going home for a sleepover. I am going to go out on a limb here and say it was a sexy-time-sleepover, because they live right next door to each other- there is really no other excuse for just not going your separate ways at the door.

Genius.

Now, I just have a few things to add here. You two can have all the sleepovers you want, as long as LiLo isn't drinking or rubbing her nose. Secondly, if you are thinking of getting back together, maybe you should just bite the bullet and move in together- Lindsay hasn't got much work going her way at the mo'. And finally, a word of advice for Samantha: get out! Get out while you can! She has moved NEXT DOOR and, judging from the photo above, she is stealing your clothes.

You need a girlfriend, Sam, not a shadow.

Grrrrrrrrrrilf of the Day

Upon request, I'm going to start uploading pictures of hot men who could be potential grandfathers. Number one is my personal favourite.


Crack that whip, Dr Jones. Not too vigorously, mind, you'll do your hip in.

Put 'Em Away, Love

Leona Lewis is so boring that she can't even make herself look like a common trollop. She has clearly tried to do everything in power to look sexy and edgy, but I'm still bored.

I also really don't get the point of this crop top. Granted this is probably because I have never and will never be able to wear one, but it is also because that skirt is just sooooooooo high. And sooooooo long. So(ooooooo) why didn't she just join them together and take the hem up a bit?

Oh right, because it still wouldn't have made her interesting.

Oh Em Gee

A few years ago, Britney Spears had a bit of a mental breakdown. I have now uncovered YouTube evidence (the most reliable kind there is) that shows that Britney actually began losing her marbles in September 2003. Watch this and wait for the 'Happy Troll' comment.



David Sneddon?!?!

Well, it explains a lot about her later romantic choices.

FYI Calvin for S Club Juniors is not going to get with your sister Britney, she is damaged goods.

He has my vote

Though I'm quite sure that (despite the fact that I'm a British citizen) I am only allowed to vote for candidates with some sort of terrorist links.

But look at this man. Isn't he a specimen of beauty? Granted he and Sonic the Hedgehog have the same hairdresser, but he still gets my heart racing. We could have a foreign affair.

PS his dad is a Marxist theorist, so I think he could take me home to meet the family and I may be able to impress them with my knowledge (read: boobs)

Gang Life is Getting Out of Control

I have been to California. I have taken a bus through down-town L.A. in the dark. I toured the Tenderloin District in San Francisco and have almost fainted on Venice Beach. In my life I have seen many things, but none so more frightening than what I read today on BBC News.

Cricket has spread to Compton. Apparently it's keeping kids out of gangs and promoting non-drug-fuelled activity amongst the young'uns of CA. Now, I am totally in favour of encouraging people to make their lives better, but is cricket really the way to go about this. Surely giving a 17 year old gang member a cricket bat is equally as dangerous as giving him any other large, heavy blunt object. I'm sure we have all seen Law and Order, and are aware of the damage that such objects can cause.

On the plus side, now these kids have one more item to paint red or blue and draw some tears on.

God dislikes me- and womankind

The reason I say this is because the stunner above is actually a boy. God makes boys that are better girls than some girls are (and by 'some girls' I mean me), or at least the good people at Jean Paul Gautier seem to think so.

I just have some points on this. Now, I can understand how make up can transform a person in many ways, but how in the world does this boy give the illusion of having hips?! And he has a teeny waist- look at how small it is, it's fascinating! And secondly, while I fully understand the place that androgyny has on the catwalk and in fashion, does it perhaps send out a bad message to use a model that is that under-developed in the boob region? I totally support this move in the industry, but because fashion is plagued by talk of eating disorders and bad influences, maybe designers need to tred carefully here.

Anywho, the model's name is Andrej Pejic, and he models both men's and women's ranges. Now, that's talent.

I wish my parents were this funny

But I'm not as lucky as Ben Stiller. I came across this video earlier and I nearly cried laughing. There are 17 of them! Ben's mum and dad have an online pop-culture talk show, where there say whatever comes into their heads for 90 seconds. Sort of similar to this blog but with old people.

My favourite part is when Anne Meara compares Snooki's poof to a tumour.

Episode 2: "The Jersey Shore" @ Yahoo! Video

In another episode she tactfully asks 'What happened to Kris Jenner's face?'. Hilariously, her husband is able to discuss in detail the Kardashian family tree.

And if your wondering where you recognise Anne from (which I'm sure you are), it's Sex and the City, she is Steve Brady's mum. Fun fact!

This post may cause you to gauge out your eyeballs. With teaspoons

Why? Who? HOW?! Where is her make-up?! This is pretty unfair- with anyone else there would be at least a little airbrushing and some very supportive underwear. However, some conniving bastard managed to talk Abbey- of X-Factor 'Ablisa' fame- into getting her bits out. Whoever was behind this obviously wanted to punish the human race for reading such tripe as the Sport.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to amputate a limb, in the hope that it makes me forget that I saw this photo.

Really? This bird?

Jim Carrey has got himself a new lady friend, which is strange, because I presumed that once someone broke up with Jenny Mc Carthy they were doomed to asexuality for all time.
Apparently not.

Jim Carrey has quite an eclectic taste, doesn't he?

Bitter much?

I love Solange Knowles. She may be my favourite Knowles sister, and not just because she shaved her head and is most likely omni-baked, but because she is uber-talented:



However, Solange doesn't seem to be that pleased that no-one else likes her just as much as I do. In fact, if this song is anything to go by, it looks like she's a tad bitter:



C'mon Solange, nobody likes a baldy sour-bake.

PS: does anyone else think T.O.N.Y is about the demon weed?

Sometimes life isn't fair

Be still my beating heart. My favourite former-Hooters girl looks beautiful in this Christoforos Kotentos dress (does it sound like I know who he is? Because I really don't). I really like it, although I'm sure I've seen my granny wear they square-patterned bit as a scarf, around her head, in Mass.

How does she hide her fringe when she is Santana? Just something to ponder while I do nothing else today.

Cringe

I was watching the Little Mermaid with some friends during the week (as mature, intelligent Masters students have been known to do, in between in depth conversations about controversial world issues and dancing on tables), and this shocker appeared at the end.



Oh, Ashley, this is horrific! You should have read the small print on that Disney contract- the part where it asked you for your soul.

Exciting Stuff!

I have just heard this for the first time, and I have feelings for it, like the musical version of objectum sexuality.



I never really liked Keisha as a Sugababe, because I believed that she was a massive bitch, but then she got booted out and I found out she was friends with Kimberly Walsh and Leona Lewis. Since Kimberly is a goddess and Leona is the single most boring celebrity the world has ever known, it is unlikely that Keisha is a bitch. Which means I will switch my allegiances from Sugababes to Keisha fan.

Because I'm flakey like that.

Good news. Sort of.

So it turns out that all the birds in Romania died from alcohol poisoning, and not bird flu, which is good news for birds in general, just not that particular drunken flock. I'm trying very hard to be environmentally friendly and not laugh, but then I picture a drunken flock of birds. In my head they are all chatting like the vultures in the Jungle Book.

The other random dropping of birds has been explained by fireworks in Arkansas and death by hit and run in Sweden. Am I the only person finding this difficult to believe? Anyone that has seen Flashforward knows that this is just a cover-up for the crazy scientific experiment that Charlie from Lost is involved with, and soon we are all going to black out for 2 minutes and see our futures. I blacked out on Monday, but I can't yet say if the two are related.

I guess Kevin McAllister isn't so funny anymore...

Mila Kunis and Macauly Culkin have broken up. While this must be very sad for them both, I can't say I'm surprised. She's now a Golden-Globe nominated actress, and he has done dick all for the past 6 years. The man is 30- give it up or put some effort in.

It must be tough when you know your long-term girlfriend has gotten further with Natalie Portman than you ever will.

What is this meant to be, Ryan Gosling?

Ryan Gosling (who is nat hat) was on TV in America singing what was allegedly a My Little Pony song. Someone has clearly lied to him, because I have never heard this one before:



If you don't watch him, he talks EXACTLY like Spencer Pratt.

The My Little Pony song, as any self respecting 80s kid knows, is this:



I'll beeeeeeeeeeeee theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere, riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight by yooooooooooooooooooour siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiide. I could cry with nostalgia.

Does anyone remember the really creepy My Little Pony film with the ice-cream man who drugged the ponies' ice-cream and made them join the circus? It was like 'Taken' for 4 year olds.